Haiku Written By Cats
You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail!
Behold, elevator butt.
The rule for today
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.
In deep sleep hear sound
cat vomit hairball somewhere
will find in morning.
Grace personified.
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.
Blur of motion, then-
silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?
The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds-
your foot just squashed one.
You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.
My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
can just hide my head.
Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper'?
Kitty likes plastic
Confuses for litter box
Don't leave tarp around
Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner
I want to be close
to you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?
Wanna go outside.
Oh, shit! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!
Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!
Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams
My claws are not that sharp.
Cats meow out of angst
"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
we could break so much!"
Litter box not here
You must have moved it again
I'll crap in the sink
The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for "Cup Hockey"
We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt?
On your web page, http://wuzzle.org/cathaiku.html, you list several cat haikus, and ask for attribution. Well, here's some information - in 1997 or so (I'm hazy on the exact month, but I think it was in the late spring), a group of bored Microsoft employees who were also cat lovers started responding to some comments about cats by writing haiku. We wrote them, one after the other, and posted them on our "bulletin board" (in a public folder in our e-mail system). Someone gathered them together & forwarded them out to the Internet, where they were quickly disseminated. It's unfortunate that the authors' names were removed - I can claim credit for some ("Cup Hockey" and "Want to smell my butt" are mine, sadly enough - and both based on true events), but others were written by creative types from all areas at Microsoft.
--Steve Matlock
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